Well, I've got over all the highs and lows. I don't like the idea of changing gender at all! Its terrifying. I'm smart with middle class prudish atitudes, I guess, really, and for God's sake (I don't beleive in her, btw) I don't like the idea of trying to find a way of authentically expressing my deep brain structures and body mapping, seemingly female, in the body of a 6'2'' middle aged man.
There is no way this is elective at all, I would not even consider this if it wasn't the only way for me to keep growing.
The only consolation I have is that a married truck driver of sixty I've met had a complete nervous collapse into depression and anxiety and after months of analysis it was realised that the only way out was to treat the core problem, gender dysphoria, so xxxx, built like a "brick shithouse" and without any natural easy charm of manner or clarity of feature is well down the road to "xxxx" a journey she has had to make without a break in the truck driving and under the gaze of the other truckies in the yard.
I think I might have preferred a highway accident then find the courage mustered by xxxx.
I told my vocational support counsellor yesterday, she had lots of questions and listened carefully and without judgement. After 45 minutes she said "congratulations" you have made an important breakthrough and you will have all my support.
I think working in resources might be out but, more likely I'll nursing old people or something like that.
I'll just have to consider her ways.
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